25 Things Introverts Want You to Understand About Them

“Solitude matters, and for some people, it’s the air they breathe.” ~Susan Cain

We live in a culture that celebrates extroversion and sees introversion as a weakness or something to overcome.

If you’re an introvert, you may have grown up believing there was something wrong with you. You may not even have realized there’s a word for your personality type, that 26 to 50 percent of the population falls under that umbrella, and that our brains are actually wired differently than extroverts’ brains.

According to Scott Barry Kaufman, the Scientific Director of the Imagination Institute (which sounds like the coolest place in the world to work), it all boils to down to the neurotransmitter dopamine.

When our brains release dopamine, we feel more motivated to strive for external goals and rewards, like a raise or an ever-widening social circle. Though we all have the same amount of dopamine in our brains, the reward center is more active in extroverts. That’s why an extrovert might feel energized and excited anticipating a social event, while introverts might feel over-stimulated.

We introverts rely on a different neurotransmitter, acetylcholine, which makes us feel good whenever we turn inward—something we’re much better able to do in calm environments, with minimal external stimulation.

Yes, I said “we.” I’m a proud deep thinking, quiet-time needing preferrer of profound conversations over small talk. I’d rather dissect the meaning of life on a rooftop below a starry night, with one close friend by my side, than scream over loud music amid a rowdy crowd at a party or in a bar.

For years, I felt like a loser because I have fewer friendships than most and spend more time alone. But it’s not that I’m less likable than other people (or at least, I hope that’s not true). It’s just that I detest forced socialization, superficial relationships, and feeling the pressure to ‘perform’ for a group.

While I’m beyond relieved to finally recognize my personality type isn’t a character flaw, I appreciate when the people around me understand and value my nature as well. And I know I’m not alone.

I recently asked the introverts within Tiny Buddha Facebook community what they wish people understood about them, and their responses all sounded like pieces of my own internal monologue. Below, I’ve shared a small selection of the 1,000+ comments that came in.

If you’re an introvert, this list might put into words what you’ve thought many times—from all different angles, while enjoying various solo activities. If you’re an extrovert, this will hopefully give you a little more insight into how your introverted friends feel, what they want and need, and why they do the things they do.

25 Things Introverts Wish People Understood About Them

1. I’m never lonely. I love, love, love the time I spend alone (or just with my immediate family). It feeds my soul. ~Kim Kay

2. I would rather have a deep conversation with one or two people rather than small chit chat with twenty-five. I value quality over quantity. ~Lyle Hatch

3. I’m not boring or uninteresting; you just never initiate deep conversations with me. ~Natashia Lee

4. I do not enjoy forced conversation and situations. They only makes me want to retreat back to my own space. Just let me sit back to observe, and I will decide if I should join in. ~Michelle Bush West

5. I do not think I am better then you. ~Kimmie Nielsen

6. I mean what I say and only speak when I have to say something. ~Roland Laufer

7. Not wanting to hang out is not personal. I need way more down time and rest than other people may, and that doesn’t mean I’m lazy. ~Dani Hughes

8. We’re not all social butterflies; we’re more like social caterpillars. We take a while to open up. When we do, we can either be like a butterfly around you, but if things go south we’ll want to stay in the ‘wrapped up’ phase forever! ~Carole Ann Rickerd

9. Canceling plans with people less than twenty-four hours beforehand has nothing to do with them and everything to do with my self-care. ~Sahej Anand Kaur Khalsa

10. Just because I’m not all smiley and enthusiastic doesn’t mean I’m not happy. ~Brandon Logan

11. When you mention how quiet I am because I don’t talk much in large gatherings or make a big deal when I do speak, it just makes me feel self-conscious and retreat more into myself. ~Angela Eaves

12. I cannot be “on” when you want me to. There are times when I can join the conversation or party, and times when I simply cannot. ~Sabree Johnson

13. Just because I’m an introvert doesn’t mean I’m anti-social or stuck up. It just takes me longer to recover from events and big groups of people. ~Angela Stewart

14. I deeply care and empathize with so many people in my life, even those that I don’t know personally. I can’t ‘turn it off.’ Going home is my way of avoiding overworking my emotions. It’s so I can rest up and be a good friend, colleague, employee, and citizen tomorrow. ~Jayme Taylor

15. My silence in group conversations isn’t aloofness, indifference, or lack of personality. I’d just rather get to know you one-on-one before I start revealing my thoughts and opinions. ~Amanda Perrett

16. Just because I’m not loud and don’t share my feelings with everyone in sight, it doesn’t mean that I don’t have them. Quite the opposite. I feel things very deeply. ~Liz Szentendrei

17. I’m not a flamboyant personality, but I have as much substance as the next person. ~Terrie Lynch

18. Sometimes I just want to walk in silence, but I am neither sad nor lonely. ~Debra Temple

19. Just because we keep to ourselves, or we are not talkative, does not mean we do not have an opinion or are less intelligent than others. ~Tony Solis

20. Just because I’m quiet doesn’t mean I’m upset or mad, so there’s no need to keep asking me “Are you okay?” That gets very tiring. ~Linda Burton

21. I’m not talking because I don’t have anything worthwhile to say and I’m fine with the silence. ~Amber Lockey

22. Sometimes I may act extroverted, but it’s kind of a survival skill I’ve adopted in an extroverted-centered world. Still leaves me feeling mentally exhausted and drained. And feels unnatural. ~Dalas McCown

23. If you ask a question and we don’t respond right away we are thinking through every possible response, how you might react to each response, if it is actually the truth, and then we might get distracted and eventually ponder the meaning of life … even if you just asked how we are doing. ~Michelle Cobley

24. I don’t hate people. I just save my energy for genuine interactions. ~Sharon Stewart

25. I want to be invited! I may not always go or have the ability to stay long, but it doesn’t mean I want to be entirely left out. ~Diana Rouge

Extroverts, is any of this news to you? And introverts, is there anything you’d add to the list?

About Lori Deschene

Lori Deschene is the founder of Tiny Buddha. She’s also the author of Tiny Buddha’s Gratitude Journal and other books and co-founder of Recreate Your Life Story, an online course that helps you let go of the past and live a life you love. An avid film lover, she recently finished writing her first feature screenplay and is in pre-production now.

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Attract & Up-Level the Love in Your Life

Soulmate kinda love, anyone?

In today’s episode, I’m giving you the five steps I’ve created to attract better, healthier, soulmate kinda love into your life. Whether you’re single or in a relationship, these five internal shifts are for anyone who desires deep, lasting love, because it really all begins and ends with you.

Step One: Self-Awareness

In order to change anything, the first step is to become aware that something needs to change.You need to be willing to admit that whatever you’ve been doing maybe isn’t working the way you hoped that it would.

You need to be aware of your history, what you’ve experienced in your life. It’s easy to be in denial of how the things that have happened to us in the past are affecting us today…and that makes sense! Denial is a coping mechanism, designed by our unconscious mind to keep us “safe”. In last week’s episode, I explain more about how your unconscious maintains internal stories about love and relationships, so if you haven’t watched that one, you can check it out right here.

What stories are you telling yourself about what has or has not happened in your love life?

Take some time to think through these stories (and the blog I mentioned above has prompts to help you!) because you are 50% of every relationship you’ve ever been in. Even if the other person behaved (or IS behaving) terribly, your 50% is comprised of your choices, actions, and RE-actions to the other person. Becoming aware is so incredibly important because only when you get really clear about your own behavioral patterns in relationships can you actually change anything for the better.

Step Two: Self-Knowledge

Self-knowledge means knowing yourself without judgment. It’s not blaming yourself or the other person, but knowing yourself and what you experienced. It starts with unpacking everything that’s happened in your life. What did you learn about love? What did you see within your parents’ or caregivers’ relationship? All of these pieces of your past affect who you become in your relationships in the present.

Commit to becoming an expert on YOU. Knowledge of self is the only way to really change anything in your relationship or to attract the someone you really want.

Part of this process means opening that drawer of memories that maybe you’d rather not, so you might have some resistance. It’s so easy for us to compartmentalize painful memories or to minimize what we experienced in childhood (again, that’s our beautiful brains trying to protect us), and just say, “Oh, that was so long ago, it doesn’t matter” or, “I don’t want to keep blaming my parents,” or, “It’s nobody else’s fault but my own.”

I find that with so many women in my crew– they are very quick to take full responsibility–which is of course, ultimately is what we must do in life, but, what I’m asking you to do is to look back at your memories and experiences in an honest way. It’s not about blaming your parents or anyone else for that matter.

We go back for a deeper understanding, not to scapegoat anyone about what has or hasn’t happened in our lives.

I’ll give you an example from my own past: I learned that men were people to be managed and that there was no way to have an equal relationship. I know that my mother didn’t want to teach me that. But that is what I learned from her. And because of that, I went into my adulthood never wanting to get married. The story I took with me from my childhood was telling me, “Ugh! That just sounds terrible! Who the hell wants to spend all of eternity walking on eggshells, feeling fearful and keeping secrets?”

So through my own process, I had to unlearn that limiting belief. You have your own stories of impact when it comes to love.

Can you start to see how the way you were raised or what you learned growing up might be informing your own love story for better or worse today?

Step Three: Self-Acceptance

This one might seem obvious, but I’m talking about a deeper self-acceptance. In my experience as a therapist, some people say they accept themselves, but it’s usually conditional…if they have the right job or that great yoga tush, or whatever.

You have to accept yourself just as you are, right now. You are enough. You are worthy of deep lasting love. You also have to be able to accept the things that have happened in your life and the way that they impacted you before you can move on.

The only place that we can change anything from is from that real, deep authentic place of self-knowledge and self-acceptance. That means being willing to look honestly with open eyes at the past.

I used to have two kinds of memory drawers. One had the real ones so I avoided opening it. The other had the whitewashed, more dreamy memories. Like a great Instagram filter, those memories in that second drawer were ones that I curated with my selective perception of the way things were because I didn’t want to deal with the things that were painful in stark no-filter reality.

Can you relate?

But the thing is, we can’t build something different than what we experienced in the past based on those filtered memories. As a therapist, I can tell you it just doesn’t work that way, because any dysfunction that was there can become internalized…and it can’t heal until we bring it up into the light.

We all have had painful experiences. None of our parents were perfect, because people are just human. We’re not perfect. It isn’t disloyal to accept the fact that your parents were imperfect. We don’t need to demonize them either. But it is an important part of this process to review your past and then accept the straight truth about what you experienced in the past and then explore what you learned about love.

Did someone teach you that love and pain go together? Even if that was the case, that doesn’t mean that love and pain have to go together for YOU. You can accept what happened in the past and then decide to unlearn it to stop the cycle.

Step Four: Self-Compassion

Do you have a mean girl inside your head?

Self-compassion is so essential to the process of creating and cultivating real love and still, it’s probably one of the hardest for people to do.

You’ve got to get really honest about the way you’re treating yourself. If you’re constantly putting yourself down with a never-ending stream of criticism, it’s time to raise your awareness and give yourself permission to treat YOU as well as you treat others.

Remember, the way you treat yourself sets the bar for the way that other people will treat you. Think about your inner dialogue and the things you say to yourself when you’re frustrated or down. Would you say those things to your best friend or little sister? No way, right?

The self-compassion piece is crucial to the foundation of healthy love because the reality is, if you don’t master this, you’ll be looking for compassion from someone else. The problem with that is if you’re depending on others to give you this, you’re coming from a place of need instead of a place of wholeness.

Action step: get a picture of yourself as a child and keep it in a spot where you can see it often (like the wallpaper on your phone). Every time you look at it, practice feelings of compassion for that little you and everything you went through as a child. Let go of judgment and beam yourself with love–you can even imagine hugging your younger self. Dialing into love and compassion for your inner child in this way can really be an effective part of the healing process (even if it might sound a little corny.)

Step Five: Self-Love (AND Self-Celebration!)

All of these shifts culminate in self-love and self-celebration, which really becomes a new way of life! When you really love yourself in a whole and healthy way, you make decisions and choices and you get into or maintain relationships based on that sacred self-regard and love.

The five steps I’ve outlined here are basically a process for re-learning the skills to create healthy love. Be patient and compassionate with yourself as you work through them. If you want some beautiful support as you do, I have something for you.

I created the More Love Meditation Experience directly from feedback from our community about what your biggest struggles around love are. It’s completely free and it’s 10 days of brand new guided meditations and daily affirmations and tools to help you make 2019 your year of epic love. Won’t you join us? You can read all about it and sign up right here!

If you liked this episode please share it with friends, because everyone can use a little more love in their life right?

I hope you feel empowered to attract and up-level the love in your life with these five steps. Don’t waste your precious, one-of-a-kind, never-gonna-happen-again life on bitterness or resentment from the past. You’re worth so much more than that. You are worthy of that soulmate kinda love, beauty. It all starts with YOU.

As always, take care of you,


Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, transformation coach, and an expert at turning fear into freedom. Sign up for Terri’s weekly Newsletter, check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

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The post Attract & Up-Level the Love in Your Life appeared first on Positively Positive.

Remembering Who You Are

When you were born you were totally aware of these Truths: You are whole and complete. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are worthy and deserving. You are a spiritual being having a human experience. You can trust the Universe. All there is and all that matters is Love. You are love.

And then you got older.

And things happened.

And you started to forget the Truth.

You started moving out of the awareness of love and into fear, doubt, and judgment.

Someone told you that you did something wrong and you started to believe that something is wrong with you. Someone in your life left or wasn’t really there for you and you began to question whether or not you are lovable.

You saw or heard people yelling at each other and you got scared. You got yelled at for something you said and you decided it was better to stop speaking your truth. You got hurt or saw someone get hurt and you stopped trusting.

Your heart got broken so you thought it would be safer to build some walls around it. You began to doubt love.

People called you a mean name and you believed them. And now you call yourself that.

People said your dreams were impossible and you believed them. And now you don’t dream anymore.

You got left out of something. You felt isolated or separate and now you still feel like you are living on the sidelines of life because you mistakenly believe that’s where you belong. You experienced rejection and now you are afraid to go after what you want. You began to believe that you are alone and have to do it all on your own. Perhaps you even concluded that asking for help is weak.

You did not do as well at something as you wanted and you judged yourself as a failure. Some label or diagnosis got thrown on you and you started to confuse it for who you are.

You looked at other people and thought they were smarter, more attractive, and better in some way and now you work hard to make yourself more like others. Not only did you stop liking you, you stopped being you.

You got disappointed and you stopped believing in magic and miracles. Life felt unfair and you questioned God.

You began to look to the outside world for validation and forgot that your worth has nothing to do with what you do, what you have or who you are with.

As time has gone on you have gotten farther from the Truth. And you know it. You feel an inner call to stop believing the lies. There is sense of urgency emerging …


You didn’t do anything wrong. You are not broken. There is nothing you need to do or be in order to be loved. You are safe. It is safe to trust. You are not alone. There is no one any better or worse than you. You are uniquely you and you are absolutely perfect at being you. You belong. You are worthy and deserving. You are not what you have been labeled as.

People were mean to you because they didn’t know any better. People leaving
or not being there for you had nothing to do with you.

It is not weak to ask for help. Support is available to you. You are not alone and you never have been.

It’s impossible for your heart to truly break. It is unbreakable and full of unconditional love and compassion.

Everything in your life that you have experienced is for your learning and growth. Stop asking, “Why did this happen?” and start asking, “What can I learn from what’s happened?” Trust that all those times you didn’t get what you wanted are what you truly needed.

Everything in your life that you have experienced is for your learning and growth. Stop asking, “Why did this happen?” and start asking, “What can I learn from what’s happened?” @ChristinHassler (Click to Tweet!)

I’m sorry that the people you wanted to hear “I’m sorry” from did not say it to you. You can forgive even what you think is unforgivable. Forgiveness is not about condoning what happened, it’s about your freedom.

As soon as you truly accept yourself, your fear of rejection will vaporize.

You have never really failed. You have always done the best you could. Seriously.

The Universe is for you.

Are you for you?

And you do not need to learn how to love yourself, you already know. Love is your essence. You have just forgotten that Truth. Activate your memory by reducing the time and energy you spend on thoughts and actions that reinforce your forgetfulness. Stop expecting anything or anyone else to do it for you.

There is nothing you have to find, simply recognize what is already there.
Your purpose in life is not to do something grand or achieve some goal. Your purpose is to return to where you began: Love.

A loving reminder from my heart to yours,


“It is only when we forget all our learning that we begin to know.” – Henry David Thoreau

“In the long run, digging for truth has always proved not only more interesting but more profitable than digging for gold.” – George Harrison

“Healing may not be so much about getting better, as about letting go of everything that isn’t you – all of the expectations, all of the beliefs – and becoming who you are.”- Rachel Naomi Remen

P.S. I have a new podcast where I coach people LIVE on the air. Head over to Over it and On With It and listen in for inspiration and action steps.

Christine Hassler has broken down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan in her new book Expectation Hangover. This book reveals the formula for how to process disappointment on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels to immediately ease suffering. Instead of wallowing in regret, self-recrimination, or anger, we can see these experiences as catalysts for profound transformation and doorways that open to possibility. You can find more info on her website, and follow her on Twitter and FB.

Image courtesy of Comfreak.

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