How to save a language from extinction | Daniel Bögre Udell

As many as 3,000 languages could disappear within the next 80 years, all but silencing entire cultures. In this quick talk, language activist Daniel Bögre Udell shows how people around the world are finding new ways to revive ancestral languages and rebuild their traditions — and encourages us all to investigate the tongues of our ancestors. "Reclaiming your language and embracing your culture is a powerful way to be yourself," he says.
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My Pain Was a Gift and a Catalyst for Growth

“Sometimes pain is the teacher we require, a hidden gift of healing and hope.” ~Janet Jackson

I was becoming more and more confused as to what my feelings were toward my husband. Longing for that personal adult male connection, I started to feel trapped in my marriage. However, I still had a very strong sense of our family unit and my commitment to it.

I wasn’t going to do anything to jeopardize the family, even if it meant sacrificing my personal happiness. I made a conscious decision that my life was enough. It wasn’t perfect, but it was enough.

However, within a few months, I knew in my heart that my husband and I were further apart emotionally than even I could accept or ignore any longer. I had to address it, but I had to do it carefully. I wanted to make sure my husband understood that I still loved him; we just needed to work on some things. I believed it would make both of us happier.

I found time one night after dinner. We had just finished cleaning up the kitchen and were standing by the counter. The mood was relaxed and we had some privacy; the girls were busy working on their homework upstairs. It seemed as good a time as any.

I took a deep breath and blurted out, “I think we are not as close as married people should be.”

My husband looked at me funny, first a little quizzically as if he didn’t understand what he had just heard. Then his face relaxed and a look of release washed over it. His response shocked me to my core.

“I agree,” he said with relief. “I haven’t loved you for a long time. I was just pretending.”

“What? What did you just say?!?” I stammered, feeling as if I couldn’t catch my breath.

His words were suffocating. I stood there, motionless, as a torrent of emotions raged inside of me. I looked into the eyes of the person I thought I knew completely, that I had trusted without question. A cold, damp feeling of dread came over me. He was the person I thought loved me unconditionally, the one that I had built my life with.

What did he just say?

Now, I wasn’t expecting flowers and chocolates. But I wasn’t expecting that. I was expecting his response to be more along the lines of “I agree. I feel it too. What can we do about it?”

I was astonished. I was numb. I cried. I pleaded for some explanation. He had none. He said he would have gone on pretending forever, but since I dared to bring it up, he was able to finally be honest. We briefly tried marriage counseling, but his mind was made up. He didn’t love me. He was sorry. He felt guilty for the pain he was causing the girls and me, but he didn’t love me.

We were divorced within the year. Everyone marveled at how civil we were. How well I was handling everything. I went into survival mode during the divorce proceedings.

I had to protect my children emotionally. All of my strength went into doing that. I had to stay calm. I knew they were watching me. I tried not to argue. I tried to act normally. Really, I tried.

I also had to financially protect myself and my children. There were so many things to think about. How could I stay in the house with the kids? They were in high school by then and I didn’t want to uproot them. How could I pay for college? We were just getting by with two salaries and one house. How could I make this work? We eventually figured the financial part out. In comparison, that turned out to be the easy part.

He moved out, we got divorced, and then I fell apart.

This experience exposed some very deep wounds within me. Wounds I had that for many years had been scabbed over. Deep, thick scabs that protected me and allowed me to pretend they weren’t there. Now, without warning, they had been ripped wide open.

Wounds are funny things. We all have them. We respond from them, sometimes consciously, but many times not. They affect our thoughts and behaviors even when we’re not aware of it. If we look close enough we can even see others’ wounds in their actions.

Some wounds can lie dormant for many years and only return to taunt us when we are faced with the very thing that wounded us. And the funniest thing of all is that wounds don’t heal on their own, regardless of how much we pretend they are not there. We have to heal them ourselves.

My personal wounds had to do with self-love and my relationships with others. And they were deep, deeper than I had ever realized. When they resurfaced, I was surprised not only by their presence but by their intensity. There had been signs through the years, but they were easy enough to ignore.

My wounds might surprise you. I believe most people consider me to be a smart, attractive, capable woman with many accomplishments in my life. “Capable” as a nice way to say assertive or a take-charge kind of woman.

But there is also another side to me, a side that has deep-rooted feelings of not being “good enough” or not being “worth the effort”. My thoughts would go something like “I’m pretty, just not pretty enough. I’m thin, just not thin enough.” I’m smart, but intelligence wasn’t something celebrated in a girl growing up during the sixties and seventies. We were told to make sure we weren’t smarter than our future husbands, because men didn’t find smart women attractive, and God forbid of all things, don’t be capable.

But the traits not celebrated were the ones I clung to. I believed they were all I had to offer. I was the smart and capable one. My intellect and the sheer force of my will allowed me to succeed in most endeavors. I became goal-oriented and proved my worth by accomplishing my goals. I never allowed myself to fail, because success was expected, it was the only thing that I believed validated me.

That, however, didn’t translate into healthy personal relationships. I didn’t find value in myself as a whole person, so in turn, I never believed that the whole of me could be embraced, cherished, and loved. I was the only the “smart” and “capable” one.

Why couldn’t I love myself? Why didn’t I feel I was worth the effort? Why didn’t I see the whole person and celebrate my strengths, laugh at my weaknesses, and cherish the little girl in me that was just doing the best she could?

Eight years ago, I didn’t know. Today, after having lived through deep pain and more personal self-reflection and inner work than I care to admit, I believe I have some understanding of the larger journey.

Pain was my catalyst. Deep, aching pain that stopped me in my tracks and made me choose between exiting this lifetime (yes, I considered it) and seeking deeper answers to heal the ball of hurt I had become. I chose to seek deeper answers and that was the beginning of my spiritual journey.

Over the years I have learned to open my heart to myself and look at my experiences with a wider lens. I see my divorce and subsequent pain and depression as a gift that transformed my life and me along with it.

I’ve traveled back into my childhood and identified the core trauma that I experienced that shaped the personality (the smart, capable, one) and the embedded belief (I had to succeed to have value) from the essence of who I am. That took a lot of work because the personality traits and beliefs we create are so intertwined into who we think we are that it is difficult to separate them, as they have been ‘us’ for our whole lives.

In our defense, much of the ‘less than’ beliefs we hold are a result of the negative, punitive language that is deeply embedded in our religious and spiritual constructs. Many of us have come from a traditional religious belief system of ‘original sin and karma that we need forgiveness for’ and move to a spiritual belief system of ‘we need to learn our lessons and repeating our lessons until we finally get them.’

What if there is nothing to learn and no penance to do? What if everything in life is an experience for us to feel emotion and live from that deep space? That every emotion is an opportunity for us to expand our awareness and embrace the magnificence of who we are.

Deep emotions shake us out of our complacent lives and spur us into action.

In the experience is the emotion and in the emotion is the gift.

Keep digging because the real you is in there.

About Patricia Cagganello

Rev. Patricia Cagganello is an ordained interfaith minister and founder of Sacred Stories Publishing. She is also the co-author of the new book Chaos to Clarity: Sacred Stories of Transformational Change. A powerful book featuring real stories from real people with real pain that experienced real healing. Read heartbreaking and heart-opening stories of transformation shared by over thirty people from around the world.

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The post My Pain Was a Gift and a Catalyst for Growth appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

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Self-Care Tips: How to Avoid Sickness, Burnout and Exhaustion

It’s so easy to stress yourself out or take on the stress of others if you aren’t careful. Sometimes, we care so much about others and their mental health that we forget to take note of our own mental state.

Unfortunately I’ve had to learn the hard way how to become all the more selfish with my time, and be sure that I’m taking care of myself first before another soul. Not taking care of our own bodies can lead to a long host of problems.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed or discouraged? Have you been so exhausted you didn’t know what to do with your life? If so, you could have been experiencing burnout. It’s a frustrating and horrible feeling, but there’s one simple thing that can be done to turn your burnout around. No longer do you have to go on with this exhaustion. All you have to do is practice a little bit of care to yourself.

Self-care is important. It doesn’t have to be a taboo thing, and everyone should practice it. How often have you wished you could do something for yourself? Self-care resolves this issue and you no longer have to deal with being hurt or upset. Plus, it can make you a more positive and happier person. You have to choose yourself before you choose others. I know it is difficult, but your soul will be so much happier and well-rested, making you a better person.

Why is Self Care so Important?

Your soul gets tired, and without the proper channels of care, you could end up sickening yourself due to stress and worry. Self-care is important because in your ability to take care of yourself you then learn how to protect yourself from all that isn’t for you. You also learn to protect yourself from all that doesn’t help you reach your goals, or hold on to that joy you know deep down you deserve.

Self-care is defined as anything that is done for self, being sure that one’s mental, psychological, emotional or physical state is taken care of.

For someone that may be working out on a daily and then feeling good about one’s self, and for someone else that could mean going to the spa once a month and turning the phone off while there.

To name a few more:

  • Take a kickboxing class
  • Brushing your teeth every day
  • Bathing consistently
  • Dance to your favorite song
  • Engage in a social media fast
  • Turn your phone off for a day (in a responsible manner of course)
  • Say “No”
  • Get adequate rest
  • Watch your favorite show
  • Laugh out loud
  • Spend time with those who make you happy

Sometimes people call it selfish when you begin to engage in self-care, but it’s never selfish to begin taking better care of yourself even when it means they get less of you. At times self-care will mean spending time with others but that’s not always the case. You have the freedom to spend time with others as you choose to do so and when.

Better taking care of yourself will teach you how to better love yourself, and when you love yourself you can then love others around you even better. Self-care not only involves doing things that benefit you physically like exercise, but also mental such as taking that fast from social media to disengage for a while.

It can make you a better person

Self-care can really make you a better person. When you learn to focus on yourself and devote tire to you, you realize just how important other people in your life are as well. It may seem strange, but turning inward often enough can lead you to being happier and healthier.

Burnout happens when you commit to doing so much. You become overwhelmed and unsure how you will take all of these things on. Not only is it frustrating, but it can be very bad for you. Burnout increases stress in your body, and stress can cause weight gain, a weakened immune system, and even cause your spine to be out of alignment.

The last thing you want is to suffer through life because you are committing to the wrong people. You are the most important person in your life. If you don’t exist, all of your loved ones would suffer as well. That’s why it’s so important to focus on yourself.

Once you practice self-care, you realize that you become recharged and refreshed. It’s a wonderful feeling that makes you a better person.

Stop stressing before it burns you out

It’s important to know that taking on extra stress that doesn’t belong affects the mind, the body, the heart and the soul. All of those aspects of the body are important and meant to be maintained along with kept healthy.

Stress is something we get to have our hand on when it comes to our lives. There are ways to help manage some of the stressors of life we have no control over, but through it all we must understand that whatever it is can only stress us if we allow it.

It’s exhausting taking on the weight of the world and the weight of others’ lives when they could care less whether or not you showered that day. Take charge and don’t let that happen to you, don’t let the stress meant for others take you under and cause you to miss out on the life you were always meant to live.

So again I ask, are you willing to let go of whatever it is that’s holding you back, so that you can be set free? You’re totally worth it.

Today, choose to be different. Choose to practice love and care for yourself, and forget about the rest. You deserve love and belonging, and you can say goodbye to burnout. Be positive and be you, without the burnout.

Dr. Brent Wells, D.C. has been a chiropractor for over 20 years and has treated thousands of patients. He founded Better Health Chiropractic & Physical Rehab in Alaska in 1998 and is a member of the American Chiropractic Association and the American Academy of Spine Physicians.

Image courtesy of Hayley Powers.

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Quick Tip for Centering Yourself in the Moment

Welcome to this week’s edition of The Source!

The formal terminology for the exercise I discuss in the video — 16seconds — is called introducing a pattern interrupt. You actually just jam the brakes on a potential surge of stress hormones and all the negative mindbody reactions you were starting to feel. You break the flow of conditioned physical and emotional responses.

Like I suggest in the video, just the thought of an irritating situation or person can trigger a memory of the stressful situation; and in 16 seconds you were able to return to the present moment. And it is that feeling that is the halo effect I referred to. You become a bit calmer… a bit lighter… a bit easier.

Now imagine if you could string minutes of that together!

Well, you actually do every time you use a destressifying technique such as 16seconds or any of the other in-the-moment tools I teach you in my book destressifying.

When we introduce a pattern interrupt into our flow of thoughts, we can gently step aside from the uneasy memories of the past or the anxious thoughts of the future – and truly ground ourselves back into the present moment – our bodymind moves beyond all that irritation, anger, discomfort, anxiety, less-than, or “it’s not fair” thinking.

The constriction vanishes instantly and our next thought, word, or action will come from a less conditioned, more expansive place. Now we are primed for greater possibilities, novel solutions, and infinite potential. Whatever limiting belief was holding us back is momentarily suspended.

Once destressifying becomes part of your daily routine, this state of restful awareness occurs naturally; calm & balance become the norm; anxieties, anger, emotional turbulence, and knee-jerk reactions drift away, as your physical body relaxes and your innate emotional intelligence gently returns to guide your choices.

However, in times of extreme stress, when the body experiences constant physiological arousal over numerous perceived threats that are not life-threatening, the destressified response can be created through techniques like the one we just experienced.

I call it “16 seconds to clarity” because four seconds in, four seconds of hold, four seconds out, four seconds of hold equals 16 seconds. And in the 17th second, we are clearer – beyond the moment of emotion.

Give it a try this week and share your experiences in the comments below. In the meantime, I’ll see you in the gap!!!

Peace. -davidji

davidji is a globally recognized mindbody health & wellness expert, mindful performance trainer, meditation teacher & author of Amazon’s Best Seller destressifying: The Real-World Guide to Personal Empowerment, Lasting Fulfillment, and Peace of Mind, Sacred Powers: The Five Secrets to Transformation and Secrets of Meditation: A Practical Guide to Inner Peace & Personal Transformation, & winner of the Nautilus Book Award. Connect with him on . davidji.com Facebook, YouTube and Twitter.

Image courtesy of Simon Migaj.

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